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To adults, children can seem
completely carefree—they hang out with friends, play their Game Boys and seem
to be skating blissfully through their days. However, if you could get inside
their heads, you might find their lives are less than idyllic.
The physical, intellectual,
emotional and social changes that middle schoolers are experiencing rival those
of babies and toddlers. Not only can this time of life be confusing (imagine how
you would feel if your foot size changed three times in six months!), it can
cause some very real stress for kids.
Defining pre-adolescent
stress
Although the types of things
that lead to stress for children may be unique, their reactions are often much
the same as adults.
Situations such as trying out
for a sports team or taking an important test can elicit a wide range of
responses in kids. While some may experience total calm, others become agitated
and edgy. Still other may have a "fight or flight" response when faced
with having to do something uncomfortable. The adrenaline rush associated with
their anxiety may cause them to either lash out at others or run away from the
situation.
Chronic stress
is the term for on-going stress, often caused by more serious situations, such
as parents’ divorce or bullying. Some possible signs of chronic stress
include:
- Upset stomach, diarrhea or
indigestion
- Headache, backache
- Insomnia
- Eating too much or too
little
- Hostile, angry or irritable
reactions
- Avoiding other people
- Crying
- Frustration with things that
would otherwise only bother them slightly
Helping kids handle stress
Here are some suggestions to
help ease your children’s stress:
Make time for your children
each day. Though your children may seem to want more space and freedom, they
actually still crave attention from the people closest to them. In the middle
years, parents really need to know what is going on in their children’s lives,
and the only way to do that is to talk and spend time with them.
Encourage proper rest and
nutrition. The demands of school work, extracurricular activities and
socializing can result in late bedtimes and less-than-stellar diets for kids.
Children in middle school are still growing and need adequate rest (at least
eight to 10 hours of sleep a night). A diet rich in wholesome foods can ensure
proper growth, as well as bolster the ability to handle stress.
Give their concerns serious
consideration. If you are lucky enough to have children who confide in you
about their concerns, take these matters to heart. Although arguments with
friends may seem trivial to you, they likely loom large in their minds. Give
your children time to talk things out without immediately interjecting your
opinions or trying to solve their problems for them.
Help your children put
stress in perspective. Helping them think through the worst case scenario
might ease some of the lurking fears that can cause stress (example: "What
is the worst thing that will happen if your don’t pass the math test? You’ll
have to study harder and try to do better on your next exam.").
Set limits and stay firm.
Even though kids at this age would never say it, what they really want are
limits and supervision. So much is changing for them. To feel safe and secure in
this part of their lives, they need to know that some things (such as their
parents’ love, respect and expectations) are the same.
Help children anticipate and
plan for potentially stressful situations. For example, the stress created
by last-minute cramming for a major test can be lessened by scheduling study
sessions in the week(s) leading up to the test.
Encourage your children to
stay active. Endorphins, the chemicals released during and after a workout,
create feelings of calmness and well-being. Stress-relieving exercise can range
from walking or bike riding to yoga or martial arts.
Encourage hobbies and
extra-curricular activities. Any activity that focuses your children’s
attention and provides a sense of accomplishment can be a great stress reliever.
However, for some kids, too much structured activity can be the cause of stress.
Use your children’s comments and reactions to judge whether they should add or
reduce activities.
Model positive ways of
coping with stress. If you brood, yell or skip meals in reaction to the
stresses of your own life, your children will learn similar methods of coping.
Many of the suggestions offered for easing kids’ stress can help adults handle
their own stress.
When stress turns to
depression
Chronic, unresolved stress can
result in depression. Depression involves extreme sadness, discouragement,
despair or hopelessness that lasts for lengths of time. It can affect a
person’s ability to function normally. If you are concerned that your
child’s problems go beyond average stress, contact a pediatrician, guidance
counselor or social worker. For more information on childhood stress and
depression, link to http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/anxiety.html
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Capital Region BOCES Communications Service at (518)
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