|
An upward climb begins with
the new school year: Each ladder rung is a win on the football field, acceptance
to a good college or the lead role in a musical.
Competition for these and
other honors ignites success for teens. It builds self-esteem and teaches
goal-setting. It motivates them physically, mentally, artistically and in so
many other ways. Taken too far, however, competition fosters everything from
aggressiveness to self-deprecation and failure. So how do we help our sons and
daughters find balance on the sports fields, in the classroom and on the stage?
Here are some ideas:
Soul searching
What do you want your son or daughter to get out of school and
extracurricular activities? How important is it to be number one? That’s not
to say children shouldn’t try to achieve at the highest level possible, but in
a push to win, win, win, they sometimes lose the concept of fair play. And for
those teens who don’t win, win, win, pressure can lead to self-doubt and
anger.
Set attainable goals
Parents can help teens set healthy expectations. These may include
developing new skills, making lasting friendships, finding passion in at least
one activity and dealing positively with the emotions of winning and losing.
Attainable goals could also be finding real-life meaning in their least favorite
academic subject, achieving the next level in a sporting or artistic event,
managing anger or becoming more outgoing.
Unconditional love
The most important thing parents do is show they love their teen no matter
what level of success is achieved. In any activity, only one person takes first
place. But all participants learn something new about themselves and develop
skills that last a lifetime. Unconditional love means cheering from the
sidelines (whether your kids are playing a sport or striving to get on the honor
roll). It means a helping hand and positive advice. It does not mean doing your
son or daughter’s homework, nor taking out anger on others for bad calls or
unfair actions "against" your child. Unconditional love also means
letting teens fail sometimes.
Help deal with
frustration
Let your son or daughter make mistakes, but don’t abandon him or her
emotionally. It’s much easier to know how to act when people succeed. But it
is in the other moments that our children need us most. They need to see how we
as adults handle frustration in our own lives. They need to know that it’s
okay to miss goals sometimes. They need to know that today’s blunders can
almost always be fixed tomorrow, and usually the outcome is for the better.
Be a good role model
Children get their first lessons in competition long before they become
teenagers. When family members play board games or talk about their work,
children are already gaining a sense of what is most important: winning or how
you play the game. If you discover your emphasis leans more toward winning at
any cost, it’s never too late to admit this to your children and change
yourself.
Discuss what you see
Poor sportsmanship is all over national sports coverage; the message that you
have to be the best, the thinnest, the smartest is at the core of most
advertisements; and moral issues related to fair play are ever-present in
current events. Discuss these examples with your teens. They are old enough to
have an adult conversation, come to significant conclusions and use them in
guiding their daily lives.
Modeling good
sportsmanship
Tiger Woods has been
quoted as saying that winning isn’t "life or death. It’s more important
to the media than to me."
One way parents can counteract the
negative influences of the media on their teens is by modeling good
sportsmanship. Here are a few tips on how to do that:
- Celebrate
success, but help your teen deal with frustration by talking about it.
Turn it into something constructive before it turns him or her into
someone destructive.
- Point
out good and poor sportsmanship at all types of sporting events. Discuss
what you see and help your teen problem-solve.
- Congratulate
opposing team members and coaches when a good play is made. Cheer other
members of your son or daughter’s team for achieving new levels.
- Never
argue with a referee or coach.
- Speak
positively about players, coaches and parents from other teams and
participate in area-wide events that build camaraderie throughout a
league. This will prevent normal team rivalries from turning into personal
vendettas.
- Don’t
accept inappropriate behavior from your teen. If the coach misses it,
point it out. And whether the coach does something about it or not, make
sure your teen knows that he or she ultimately answers to you.
>
Back
For
permission to reprint this article, please contact the
Capital Region BOCES Communications Service at (518)
464-3960.
|
