| As
parents, you may feel your teenager listens to his/her
friends more than you. Maybe you don’t remember
adolescence being so difficult. And even if it was,
everything seems different today. Fast-paced advances in
technology, the ever-invasive nature of mass media and
rising educational standards simply add to the feeling
that today’s teenagers are different from those of
yesteryear.
So, is
the generation gap widening?
Research
shows that it really isn’t. It tells us that teens
depend most heavily on the values and advice of their
family members – even if they appear to rely on peers
and outside culture. In fact, U.S. government statistics
indicate that high school seniors today think more like
their parents than did students in the 1970s.
Parents
usually find that as their teens grow older, they want
to make more of their own decisions, and that is as it
should be. But parents can continue to have a major
influence on those decisions, particularly as they
pertain to getting a good education. Following are 12
tips on how to exert that influence in a positive way.
Show
interest in your teen’s schooling.
Ask, "How was your day?" every day. The answer
to the question – whether a grunt or a full synopsis
– is not nearly as important as the question itself.
Discuss
expectations and goals.
Talk with your teenager at the beginning of each grading
period about setting achievable goals. For example, if
your son has an 85 average in English, challenge him to
bring it up to a 90, or to get extra bonus points the
teacher may give for turning every homework assignment
in on time.
Praise
your teen’s efforts, not just accomplishments.
Whether students bring home As or Cs, they deserve
positive feedback. They’re working hard at something,
and it’s up to parents to take notice of what that
something is. A strong self-image in one activity that
goes a long way to fueling success in others. Also,
simply praising accomplishments – and not efforts –
can bring on a sense of inadequacy even for the
brightest of students: A teenager may feel he/she always
has to be perfect to get a parent’s love.
Stress
the importance of attending school every day.
As Woody Allen said, "90 percent of life is just
showing up." For school, it’s not only showing up
but also tuning in. If your teenager is genuinely ill
for more than a day or two, you can arrange to pick up
work.
Be
aware of how much time your teenager is spending on
homework.
By the time students reach high school, they have work
every night in most subjects. If you don’t see your
son or daughter putting in at least an hour of work
daily, it’s time to check further. Make sure
distractions such as TV-watching and web-surfing are not
interfering.
Teach
effective time management skills.
Help your teen plan a weekly schedule so he/she learns
to balance schoolwork with other activities. Students
often put off long-term projects and difficult
commitments because they don’t know where to begin –
not because they’re lazy. Help them make these tasks
more manageable, but don’t take over. Your teen is the
student.
Stay
in touch with teachers and guidance counselors.
A survey by the National Education Association shows
that 90 percent of teachers want parents to be involved.
Besides attending open houses and coming in for
conferences, parents can use the phone, and in many
cases, email to ask questions or pass on comments.
Encourage
participation in sports, clubs, and volunteer work.
Students who are involved outside the classroom
typically enjoy school more and are more successful
academically. Plus, these activities can help teenagers
become well-rounded, leading to college and career
choices.
Emphasize
that smart teenagers are not afraid to ask for help.
If your daughter is having academic difficulty,
encourage her to seek a teacher’s help. If you son is
having a conflict with another student, recommend he
speak to a guidance counselor. Reiterate that your teen
can rely on you for help with any problem.
Stress
the need for sleep.
Studies show teenagers need eight to 10 hours of sleep
to be successful and stay healthy. Most only get five to
six.
Eat
dinner as a family regularly.
A Reader’s Digest survey shows that students who score
highest on academic tests have one thing in common:
Their families eat dinner together at least four times a
week.
Talk
with teenagers about everything under the sun.
They may not seem to be listening, but then they
surprise you – their actions show that some of your
words are actually sinking in.
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