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The
following suggestions are excerpts from Parents, Kids & Character by Dr.
Helen LeGette. Reprinted with permission.
- Be clear about your values. Tell
your children where you stand on important issues. If we want children to
internalize the virtues that we value, we need to teach them what we
believe- and why. In daily living, there are countless opportunities to
engage children in moral conversation.
- Model and teach your children
good manners. Insist that all family members use good manners in the
home. Good manners are really The Golden Rule in action. Whether the issue
is courtesy or simple social graces, it's in the home that true
thoughtfulness for others has its roots.
- Have meals together, as a
family - and without TV - as often as possible. Mealtime is an excellent
time for parents to talk with and listen to their children and to strengthen
family ties. Whether the meal is a home-cooked feast or fast-food from the
drive-through, the key ingredient is the sharing time - the time set aside
to reinforce a sense of belonging to and being cared about by the family.
- Know what TV shows and videos
your children are watching. While there are some very fine materials
available, a proliferation of pornographic and hate-filled information is
easily accessible to kids. By word and example, teach children responsible
viewing habits. If you learn that your child has viewed something
objectionable, candidly share your feelings and discuss why the material
offends your values.
- Plan as many family
activities as possible. Family activities that seem quite ordinary at
the moment are often viewed in retrospect as very special and memorable bits
of family history. A family picnic in the park, or a Sunday excursion for
ice cream can provide a meaningful time for being together as a family.
- Model appropriate behavior
regarding alcohol and drugs. Despite peer pressure, the anxieties of
adolescence, a youthful desire for sophistication and media messages that
glamorize the use of drugs and alcohol, the family is the most
powerful influence on whether a young person will become a substance abuser.
Nowhere is the parents' personal example more critical than in the area of
alcohol and drug use.
- Plan family service projects
or civic activities. At the heart of good character is a sense of caring
and concern for others. Numerous opportunities for family service projects
exist in every community, and even young children can participate. Simple
acts like taking food to a sick neighbor, mowing an elderly person's yard or
collecting outgrown clothes and toys for charity help youth learn the joys
of assisting others and developing lifelong habits of service.
- Limit your child's spending
money. Help them develop an appreciation for nonmaterial rewards. In
today's consumerist culture, youth could easily come to believe that image
-- wearing the "right" clothes, driving the "right" car,
etc. -- represent the path to success and happiness. Parents can make strong
statements about what they value by the ways in which they allocate their
own resources and how they allow their children to spend the funds entrusted
to them.
- Know where your children are,
what they are doing and with whom. Adults need to communicate in
countless ways that we care about children and that we expect the best from
them, but also that we take seriously our responsibility to establish
standards and to monitor, chaperone and supervise. At the risk of being
perceived as "old-fashioned," insist on meeting your children's
friends and their parents.
- Refuse to cover for your
children or make excuses for their inappropriate behavior. Shielding
children and youth from the logical consequences of their actions fails to
teach them personal responsibility. It also undermines social customs and
laws by giving them the impression that they are somehow exempt from the
regulations that govern others' behaviors.
- Discuss the holidays and
their meanings. Have family celebrations and establish family
traditions. Abraham Lincoln observed that participating in national
celebrations causes Americans to feel "more attached the one to the
other, and more firmly bound to the country we inhabit." Observing
holidays and celebrating family traditions not only develop these feelings
of attachment to and kinship with others, but they also serve as a special
kind of glue that binds us together as human beings, as family members and
as citizens.
- Capitalize on the
"teachable moment." Use situations to spark family discussions
on important issues. Some of the most effective character education can
occur in the ongoing, everyday life of the family. As parents and children
interact with one another and with others outside the home, there are
countless situations that can be used to teach valuable lessons about
responsibility, kindness and compassion.
- Assign home responsibilities
to all family members. Even though it's often easier to clear the
table, take out the trash, or load the dishwasher ourselves rather than wait
for a child to do it, we have an obligation to help children learn to
balance their own needs and wishes against those of other family members --
and ultimately, other members of society.
- Set clear expectations for
your children and hold them accountable for their actions. Defining
reasonable limits and enforcing them appropriately establishes the parents
as the moral leaders in the home and provides a sense of security to
children. It also lets them know that you care enough about them to want
them to be people of good character.
- Keep your children busy in
positive activities. Children and teens have remarkable energy levels
and the challenge is to channel that energy into positive activities such as
sports, hobbies, music, or other forms of the arts, or church or youth
groups like the Scouts. Such activities promote altruism, caring and
cooperation and also give children a sense of accomplishment.
- Learn to say "no"
and mean it. It is natural for children -- especially teenagers -- to
test the limits and challenge their parents' authority. Despite the child's
protests, a parent's most loving act is often to stand firm and prohibit the
child's participation in a potentially hurtful activity.
Good Books
Can Help Trigger Important Discussions About Values
Books can introduce children to
important characters in literature -- as well as important character issues. Stories with solid
moral content make good read-alouds and can launch important discussions between
parents and kids. Talk about Harry Potter's unwavering loyalty to his
friends...why the tortoise won the race against the hare...or how doing
the right thing frequently takes great courage -- as shown by Atticus Finch in To
Kill A Mockingbird. The Pinewood Library Web pages offer a comprehensive
character education book list that is worth checking out. What follows are a few
of the titles you'll find
there -- as well as some recommendations for teens and parents too! Enjoy!
IDEAS FOR PRESCHOOLERS
TO AGE 8 --
- Horton Hatches the Egg
by
Dr. Seuss -- This kindly elephant is a model of responsibility.
- The Little Rabbit Who Wanted
Red Wings by Carolyn Sherwin Bailey -- This rabbit learns to stop
wishing for what others have and appreciate his own uniqueness.
- Pigsty by Mark Teague --
A funny story about what happens when a boy's bedroom becomes SO messy that
pigs move in.
- The Children's Book of
Virtues and The Children's Book of Heroes edited by William
Bennett -- An illustrated collection of short stories with big lessons.
- Swimmy by Leo Lionni -- A
fish learns the value of teamwork.
- The Berenstein Bears
series by
Stan and Jan
Berenstein -- From "forgetting their manners" to "getting the
gimmies" these books cover a lot of ground.
A FEW IDEAS FOR OLDER
READERS
- Hatchet by Gary
Paulsen -- There are a number of books in this award winning series about a
boy tested to survive in the wilderness. (Ages 9-12)
- Shiloh by
Phyllis Reynolds Naylor -- When a boy befriends an abused dog he faces tough
ethical questions. (Ages 9-12)
- Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Patterson -- A story about a boy and a girl who strike up
an unlikely, but remarkable, friendship.
- I Have a Dream: The
Story of Martin Luther King, Jr. by Margaret Davidson. (Ages 9-12) But
don't stop here! Explore ALL KINDS OF BIOGRAPHIES about great leaders in
history to ordinary people who faced extraordinary challenges.
- Chicken Soup for the
Pre-Teen Soul/Teenage Soul/Etc. These collected short stories take on
big character issues that kids will relate to. (Pre-teen +)
- The Right Stuff
by Tom Wolfe -- The true stories of the first Americans in space, their
heroism, dedication, and self-sacrifice. (Teens +)
- Schindler's List by
Thomas Keneally -- The true story of Oskar Schindler, a German-Catholic
industrialist, and how he saves thousands of Jews from the Nazi death camps.
(Teens +)
>
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permission to reprint this article, please contact the
Capital Region BOCES Communications Service at (518)
464-3960.
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